Letters From Hollywood

This is where I could start to talk about how I entered in two triathlons only a week apart from each other. How I’m crazy. How intense the training was. How beautiful the courses were. And how much I learned from the experience.

But you don’t care about that. You care about … the celebrities.

And I’m here to give you what you want.

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon has become the who’s-who of Hollywood endurance sport. Each year the celebrity itinerary gets longer. This is my third year at this event. My first, the registration closed after 3 months. Last year – three weeks. Setting a new record this year, registration was open just three days before it filled up.

I was lucky to be able to attend. The only reason I got in was because Dream- Works adopted me as part of their team this year. Let’s put some things in perspective shall we? With more than 3,000 competitors, the Nautica Malibu Triathlon is the largest event in its category on the West Coast.

That’s not counting spectator attendance. And I can tell you … Malibu is freaking crazy. There are so many people on that beach that I almost missed my start time trying to get from the transition area to the starting line. No kidding.

It’s because of the celebrities. Everyone wants to come out and see them first hand. The guest list this year included Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Felicity Huffman, William H. Macy, Cindy Crawford, Anna Kournikova, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, David Duchovny and Marc Anthony. And those are just the ones I saw first hand. I’m certain there were more.

They had their own transition area with posted security detail. If you wanted to sneak a peak, it wasn’t the security that was hard to get past – it was the paparazzi.

If you haven’t heard it on all the news lately, the highlight this year was the attendance of J-Lo. My sources in the spectator seats informed me that she had an entourage enter the event with her. Including her sister, trainer, assistant, and two best friends. All competing at the speed of Jenny from the Block.

Of course that’s all well and good, but I actually had a close-up celebrity encounter. And no, I wasn’t running right behind J-Lo staring at her ba-danka-dunk. I’m about half a mile into the run, and feeling pretty good. That’s when I hear someone yell, “Go Matt!!!” I look up, and sure enough, RIGHT in front of me is Matthew Mc- Conaughey! So I speed up and run right next to him. I imagine I looked pretty silly repeatedly looking over at him as if there was nothing else going on at that time. Actually, I really didn’t believe what was happening.

This was about as close to a celeb as I’ve been. Which is why I was determined to make the most of it. After a few minutes of being step-in-step with him I worked up the confidence to ask for a handshake. Yes, mid race, I asked Matthew McConaughey for a handshake. I’m a nerd, I know, I know.

After the quick shakedown he wished me luck on the race, and what do I respond with? Of every possible thing I could say, I shoot off, “Alright, alright, alriiiiggghht!” There are no words to describe his facial expression.

I mean, come on. What would you have done? It was either that, or I was going to ask him if the high school girls are still staying the same age. Tough decision, but I figured with his baby on the way that was probably unfair.

I paced him for as long as I could manage. Smiling from ear to ear the entire time. The only thing running through my head was, “Stay close. I’ll be on TV tonight!” I tried not to look obvious by floating from a few steps behind, to a few steps ahead of him. However, after two-and-a-half miles of cameras with long lenses, I couldn’t keep up any longer. It’s a lot harder to keep up with a guy who trains with the likes of Lance Armstrong than you might think. Had I only known that beforehand, I might have had a different strategy.

I ignored the side stitch as long as I could. I was forced into a walk by what I could swear was a gremlin hiding in my chest cavity trying to snap several ribs. Yes, it was that bad.

It would have been great to cross the finish line at the same time as MM, but no dice. Maybe next year. It’ll give me something to work towards.

Until next time, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Kemer