Letters From Hollywood

Chances are this isn't the first article you turn to after throwing down your two shiny quarters. I'm not talking about the front page either. It was probably the police reports. A memorable past-time spent with my mom was, "let's see if anyone you know is in trouble this week." We all love hearing about drama. I know I certainly do.

Which is exactly why I still read the newspaper today. However, a paper that belongs to a big city is far less rewarding than Small Town USA. It lacks a certain connectedness and community fellowship if you will. Most of the towns in Los Angeles County don't even have their own paper. Burbank's for example, comes twice a week as an inserted addition to the L.A. Times. And unlike The Sun, our newspapers don't have a sanctioned police report section. One big difference is that only the big stories get printed here. There are so many things going on that we lack interest and printing space for Johnny's stolen bike. Domestic dispute in large apartment complex: not newsworthy. Man found with large amounts of methamphetamine and packaging equipment in car during routine traffic stop: newsworthy. GPS stolen from BMW: not newsworthy. Twenty year old kills father, two brothers, and one SWAT member in standoff: very, very newsworthy. Here it's common to see dramatic headlines, like these from last Sunday's L.A. Times: "Man Selling Illegal Firearms Killed in Officer Involved Shooting," "Suspect Falls 24 Feet from Freeway Overpass," and "Three Gang Related Murders Occur During a 30-Hour Period." And of course we're not above celebrity favoring: "LAPD Of ficers Escort Britney Spears to Hospital." To put things into perspective, the average United States Crime Index is 323.2. The higher the number, the higher the crime rate. In 2006 city-data.com reports Hummelstown at a mere 98.9 compared to Los Angeles's 387.7. A scooch of a difference, huh? You guys have missing stop signs and high school altercations. Here, when skimming through the local scandal sheet you'll quickly notice the most popular stories are gang related shootings, crystal meth labs gone up in smoke and armed robberies. Personally I think it's awesome when I'm walking down the street to score a magazine and I'm confronted with a half-dozen police cars, officers holding weapons I've only ever seen during a game of "Call of Duty 4," a K-9 unit and helicopter circling overhead. I feel like I just walked onto the set of "24." I never did find out what that was all about. With all my blabbering, you might think of L.A. as a terrible place to live. It's really not all that bad. It's not a dangerous city, but it will impress street smarts on you. Burbank is a safe neighborhood. It's other clusters you need to worry about. I used to feel safe walking through Harlem in New York at midnight. Here I won't drive through Compton in broad daylight. Common sense is the jacket you never want to be caught without. I keep my wallet in my front pocket, and my brass knuckles in the back. When I first came up with the idea for this story and started researching the police reports in my hometown I realized something that previously escaped me - not much happens in Hummelstown. I mean, I guess that's a good thing ? but I just don't remember it like that at all. I'd say Hummelstown is boring, but that leaves negative feelings. I love Hummelstown dearly. I guess I just like a little more excitement in my life. Maybe when the grey hairs start to show up and I've got a family to look after, this crazy city won't seem so appealing. N.W.A said it best in their classic 80's rap, "When somethin' happens in South Central Los Angeles... nothin' happens. It's just another day." Until next time, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Kemer